| God, Please Don't Let Me Become A Damned Yankee |
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Baptist Theology: A Critical Look 
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posted by: hughmanatee (reply) post date: 03.31.05 (6:35 am) I just have to say that I completely understand. I've just recently moved to a small town (kind of a home-coming for me) and life is very much like what you describe. I am fortunate to have a very flexible schedule so I can stop and enjoy the conversations and people. I'm never on time, just like when I lived in the city, but for a very different reason. It is the conversations that annoy us that are the most productive on this earth. posted by: hughmanatee (reply) post date: 03.31.05 (6:50 am) Ok, I just walked over to my house (1/2 block from my office) and upon my return, had one of those conversations. It was great! posted by: Damn Yankee (reply) post date: 03.31.05 (12:18 pm) I started to read this blog, but got freaking bored after the tenth paragraph and quit. Besides, I'm from the north and we're smarter (look at the test scores Gomer) so if you want to waste your life making small talk about corn fritters, all ya'all go right ahead. Me, I'm going to make the most of my limited time here on earth, through things you've never heard of like book learnin' and edumacation. Instead, you keep making low budget documentaries about how the Condederacy really should have won, and keep replaying Gone With the Wind, and relive those good ol' days of yore when people "knew their places." Oh yeah, I almost forgot. All of you people who enjoy these long meaningless stories about eyeglasses and frogs will be happy to learn that the movie version of Dukes of Hazard is coming out soon. Yeeehaaa. But Oh God, what if it opens on a big Nascar day? What the heck will ya do, country???? posted by: shayno (reply) post date: 03.31.05 (9:02 pm) heavy judgmental sigh... i noticed you used some curse words in your latest post. ah, what the hell it made the story more freaking fun to read. when we moved to texas from cali we were blown away by how friendly people were. i mean they would actually say hello, and have a nice day. my boss at the time bought a house and his neighbors came over to see if they could help him move in. he got totally pissed off and told them to get off his lawn. he was from l.a. and when people come over to your house they are looking to see what they can steal while you are out. kinda funny how life is but we've adapted and my daughters even say y'all and fixin to now and again. those long "meaningless" conversations i think can lead to some real insight into others lives. posted by: shayno (reply) post date: 04.02.05 (10:42 pm) Reply to: Damn I've been debating with myself over the last few weeks whether or not I should write this letter. Obviously, I outvoted myself and wrote it. I concluded I absolutely had to tell you that Mr. Damn Yankee's arguments are amalgams of popular themes among unenlightened roustabouts, fatuitous bohemians, and sententious boneheads. For complete details, I refer you to my forthcoming book on the subject. I shall here mention only a few random items that may be new or especially interesting to you. For instance, Damn's demands are gnosticism cloaked in the rhetoric of lackluster Marxism. For proof of this fact, I must point out that Damn is indisputably up to something. I don't know exactly what, but he is trying to brainwash us. He wants us to believe that it's pouty to champion the force of goodness against the greed of harebrained four-flushers; that's boring; that's not cool. You know what I think of that, don't you? I think that the big parlor game among Damn's surrogates is guessing which of them was the first to make us dependent on misinformed, soporific fault-finders for political representation, economic support, social position, and psychological approval. But there is a further-reaching implication: Even when he isn't lying, he's using facts, emphasizing facts, bearing down on facts, sliding off facts, quietly ignoring facts, and, above all, interpreting facts in a way that will enable him to abandon me on a desert island. In order for us to realize more happiness in our lives, we need to understand that there isn't a man, woman, or child alive today who thinks that Damn acts in the public interest, so let's toss out that ridiculous argument of Damn's from the get-go. When I state that the hysteria and witch-hunts fueled by his cop-outs will force us to experience the full spectrum of the Damn Yankee Rainbow of Faddism any day now, I'm merely trying to protect our peace, privacy, and safety. His endeavors are not the solution to our problem. They are the problem. He coins polysyllabic neologisms to make his plans for the future sound like they're actually important. In fact, his treatises are filled to the brim with words that have yet to appear in any accepted dictionary. I will not say what is right and what is wrong when it comes to Damn's jibes. But I will say one thing: I don't care a brass farthing about what Damn thinks of me. Let me rephrase that: The public is like a giant that Damn has blindfolded, drugged, and gagged. This giant has plugs in his ears and Damn leads him around by the nose. Clearly, such a giant needs to pronounce the truth and renounce the lies. That's why I feel obligated to notify the giant (i.e., the public) that Damn is trying to play fast and loose with the truth. His mission? To topple society. Damn either is or elects to be ignorant of scientific principles and methods. He even intentionally misuses scientific terminology to persecute the innocent and let the guilty go unpunished. It is more than a purely historical question to ask, "How did his reign of terror start?" or even the more urgent question, "How might it end?". No, we must ask, "How far do his lies extend?" The complete answer to that question is a long, sad story. I've answered parts of that question in several of my previous letters, and I'll answer other parts in future ones. For now, I'll just say that his cock-and-bull stories are based on a technique I'm sure you've heard of. It's called "lying". Although it requires risk, commitment, and follow-through to reinforce what is best in people, I want to build a better world, a cleaner world, a safer world, and a saner world. But first, let me pose an abstract question. Why can't Damn relieve his aching sense of inadequacy without having to coordinate a revolution? Well, while you're deliberating over that, let me ask you another question: Why doesn't he reveal the truth about himself? Now, not to bombard you with too many questions, but his perspective is that mediocrity and normalcy are ideal virtues. My perspective, in contrast, is that I welcome Damn's comments. However, Damn needs to realize that if I had my druthers, he would never have had the opportunity to advocate fatalistic acceptance of an acrimonious new world order. As it stands, people tell me that it is a cardinal principle that Damn has a deficiency of real goals. And the people who tell me this are correct, of course. Damn supports a wide variety of sophistries. Some are abhorrent; others are blasphemous. A few openly support sadism. If there is one thing I have learned, it is this: His intent is to prevent us from asking questions. Damn doesn't want the details checked. He doesn't want anyone looking for any facts other than the official facts he presents to us. I wonder if this is because most of his "facts" are false. I can fight only for something that I love, love only what I respect, and respect only what I at least know. There's really no other conclusion you can reach. Last summer, I attempted what I knew would be a hopeless task. I tried to convince Damn that his politics obfuscate any attempt to locate responsibility for the consequential decisions of those who have access to the means of power. As I expected, Damn was entirely unconvinced. There is one final irony to my story. Mr. Damn Yankee subordinates rationality in decision making. posted by: llinska (reply) post date: 04.20.05 (4:38 pm) after reading your post, and the comments a few days later, i am thinking that it is time to stop all the fingerpointing, maybe... we all have moments of impatience, self-importance, arrogance and selfishness in relating with others. realizing that is the first step, and you are on the right track, longshot. just remember, being honest does not have to include being impolite! a gracious response is a gift. also, putting a label others can be a continuation of the trend, a way of saying we are different and (subscript) better. How about we all see these tendencies as part of ourselves and own them. then we can deal with them in our own life and live in a more whole and holy manner! this is just another perspective for us all to consider. posted by: abbiedarling (reply) post date: 05.03.05 (3:10 pm) the mom and pops are always the best way to go! posted by: Longshot (reply) post date: 05.20.05 (4:32 am) Reply to: llinska Lighten up! I love my damned friend! He's really a great guy in so many ways. He's just not so great in some areas just like the rest of us. posted by: llinska (reply) post date: 05.20.05 (2:37 pm) no sweat off my back, but a label is a label. labels alienate others in my experience. sorry i hit a nerve, anyway.... posted by: mnash (reply) post date: 06.13.05 (6:41 pm) I once stayed at The Damned Yankee Bed n Breakfast in Ouray Colorado......although I didn't stay forever. |
A Blog About Baptists and Their Theology
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