Lost My Best? Friend?


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Baptist Theology: A Critical Look
Lost My Best? Friend?
05.20.05 (4:28 am)   [edit]
I know I’ll probably end up looking like the jerk in this situation, but here I go…

I have a friend that I met at work about four years ago. We really seemed to hit it off well. He was fascinated by my religious upbringing and we went to lunch together almost every day and he would come over to my house almost every Thursday night. This closeness continued even after he no longer worked with me. We’d fix elaborate meals and drink wine and have a great time. My wife and kids really love him as much as I do. My daughter is crazy about him and my oldest son loves to sit and listen as we talk together. He’s always so much fun and has a wonderful outlook on life.

About a year ago, my wife was diagnosed with cancer and we’ve had a pretty traumatic year. It’s been very difficult for my wife, my kids and me. In fact, even though she’s finished all the treatments and has been given a clean bill of health, we’re all kind of suffering from post traumatic stress. The grace of God and our love for each other has been a real source of strength for us. My colleagues at work have been great, our friends have been wonderful and members of our church have been unbelievably creative in ways that have helped us.

My old friend hasn’t been so helpful. He only came by once (after being invited) and has only sent a few emails. No, he’s not freaked out by the illness. He has a divinity degree and is very compassionate and caring toward everyone. In fact, I once told him that he was the closest person to Jesus that I’ve ever seen. He’s still hanging out with my other friends so I know he has time for them. I’m a bit angry, but I mostly feel sad.

Was he really my friend? Did he really once care for my wife, my kids, and me? I don’t know. And surely those of you in Blogland have no idea either. I’m not looking for advice, or for you to trash my friend. I just needed to get this off my chest. I will not call him and say, “Man, you’ve really let me down this year. I needed so many times to cry on your shoulder.”

I don’t want to guilt him or force him to care about me. Maybe I’ve let him down in some way. I’ll just move on, but I know that my life will be poorer because I no longer will be able to laugh with him and share good times with him and learn from him.

I’ll work very hard at making a new friend now. I know this past year would have been more bearable with my friend’s laughter and listening ears.
 

posted by: Convent (reply)
post date: 05.20.05 (5:23 am)

I know you don't want advice, so think of this as a comment. Sometime people do not realize when they are hurting us. Jesus came to this earth for two things. 1. To give us salvation and 2. To take away our pain. He he only came for salvation we would all be gone by now. We as humans are not meant tolive with the hurts and heartbreak we go around carrying. Give it over to him. I know it hurts to lose a friend. Perhaps you could make the extra effort to re-build that friendship. Keep in mind that Hurt people...Hurt people.


posted by: Fairmoon (reply)
post date: 05.20.05 (3:07 pm)

Sometimes it takes a rather traumatic event in our lives to show us who our true friends are. i've been thru this too, bad things happen and you find that some friends are more fairweather that we would have expected and hoped.

At times like these i think it's important to look at the friends who have been supportive, are still supportive now and let the others go. It's hard to lose friends, espeically ones you thought really cared. There are others out there that do care and are better for you to give your energy too.

All the best to your wife and family. hugs and good wishes to you.
blessings,
Fairmoon


posted by: abbiedarling (reply)
post date: 05.23.05 (11:45 pm)

I've caught myself steering away from illness not because I'm not compassionate, but because I don't want to be hurt. He probably doesn't even realize he's doing it, thinking he's giving you and your family space and time to heal. I've gotten caught in that scenario many a time. All the while I'm saying, I'll call this week for sure. Time goes by and then I tell myself it's been months, I can't just start calling now! But I learned the lesson over time that I have to be more proactive in my friendships - I have to call people who aren't calling me, not to read them the riot act, but just to see how they are doing. Once I've made that step the friendship can continue and perhaps I can say down the line that I was hurt when that happened, but I haven't yet. And no one's said it to me when I called after a long absence. I say give him another chance - at least if he drops off this time it won't be sitting on your shoulder quite so heavily.


posted by: mnash (reply)
post date: 06.13.05 (6:40 pm)

pray you heal

continue to pray for him

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